Author: admin

  • hard priorities

    1. Becoming more of a faggot.
    2. THE big phone call (the big cum blast)
    3. Thinking about Tyler

  • Things I Discuss with Kierstan

    • Permission to cum
    • Permission to talk to certain guys and how to deal with them
    • How to stop stroking especially when I’m not coming 
    • Kierstan has all power but I have none 
    • Permission to buy certain recordings
    • How other see me (ppl see a homo/faggot)
    • Deepening the gay dick ritual, one piece at a time
    • furthering counseling/journaling
    • more specif work on “erotic cognitive dissonance (fear vs desire): the subatomic power of emotional sadomasochism”; authority/vulnerability; consensual/non-consent
    • findom (if only a little)
    • Transcribe ALL of Tara’s gaydick recording.
    • Rules about calling Kiersten and not calling Kiersten and related rewards and punishments
    • Safe words, or how to step out of our roles and make adjustments
    • Reading my letter to Tara and getting Kiersten’s approval. Likewise, reading transcript of my conversation with Clarissa and discussing with Kiersten anything important that comes out of that
    • rules of interaction with Kiersten
    • principal gaydick hypno trigger
    • the ritual
    • my history
    • my boyfriends
    • g-hotline
    • coming problem
    • building deeper, more strictly-defined mind control/hypno triggers/boundaries
    • masturbating without purpose

  • main nuggets (figuring out the core of my psyche)

    how do i arrange and think about these two things:

    erotic cognitive dissonance: the subatomic power of emotional sadomasochism, (i.e., emotional SM leads to cognitive dissonance)

    fear / desire = erotic cognitive dissonance + emotional sadomasochism, (i.e., the cognitive dissonance combined with the emotional sadomasochism creates the fear/desire inner conflict)